Jokes

My friend just emailed me a joke. Thought some of you might like it too!

Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however. they had overdone it slightly on the Bacardi Breezers. 

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. 

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. 

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. 

After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home. 

The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!" 

"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her arse that said..... 

'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.' "

She looks slightly freaked!

Yeah right!

One Liners

The latest club craze is to fill a woman's vagina with vodka and then suck it out using a straw. Doctors are warning about the dangers of minge drinking

A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos!  Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!

85% of Liverpudlian males say they enjoy sex in the shower........ The other 15% haven't been to prison yet

Just bought a racehorse called 'My Face', It may not be any good but I can't wait to hear all the women in the crowd screaming 'come on .. .My face

I've just been to my first Muslim birthday party! Musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me pass the parcel was fast!

The BBC have said that black and asians are not represented enough on TV so they're putting Crimewatch on twice a week now.

Just popped home, caught the plumber with his dick in the dog! Can't believe the police won't do anything! They said the bastard was corgi registered

The Compassion of a Wife!

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carol that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.  Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made

passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Darling, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?'  Carol agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left.  He touched Carol's shoulder and said, 'Darling? Please?  Just one more time before I die?'  She agreed, and then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep. Barry, however, lay there awake and listened to the clock ticking in his head, tossing and turning until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up.  'Darling, I only have four hours left! Could we...?'

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, 'Listen, I'm not trying to be funny, Barry, but I have to get up in the morning - you don't......'